She merits plenty extra perfect. You have this critical, scolding drill-sergeant/parent voice coming at you all the time, looking over your shoulder, wagging its finger. Don’t let anyone take away from who you are. 7) Nice guys won’t stand up for themselves. Yes I've tried counseling to no avail whatsoever. One night, you slip in and out of his window and a few days go by and he's found dead in his own home. being nice is ALWAYS a good thing, it shows you have good manners, which gets you paces. Putting life into words Sunday, 17 April 2016. The only reason I have anything to do with her at all is to take some of the burden off my brothers and sisters. For me how I dealt with being too nice is I put things into perspective .. meaning every time I get into a situation where I am being too nice I reflect on my reasons for being nice.. why I am trying to bring value to that person. Then again speak up. I was cripplingly shy as a child/young adult, to the point of feeling stupid and unworthy for even daring to occupy the same social space as anyone else. Defined as such, "nicety" in practicing medicine does not equal good practice. Here you don’t say no, you don’t speak up and be honest and assertive, because of your own fear. If nice is a front for bad feelings and perceptions, then maybe it needs a new word to describe it If I read that out of context, I apologize. Being a nice person gets you nowhere. Although the Hereafter … i think of the main telling part of this question is "I had continually been fascinated in her husband in spite of the shown fact that it became into basically an charm and that i never acted on it simply by fact of my pal and because he became into for sure unavailable and likewise I never somewhat theory he felt an identical way." Favorite Quotes. I have been called many things, but never fake. More Examples. Now that doesnt mean it still won't hurt and feel uncomfotable ... but I truly feel that as long as I am doing it for honest reasons then those honest reasons are enough. I wish to never change this about myself, but It just sucks sometimes you … And with those words, all the things you promised me turned to nothing. Wow ! Pushover. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. era. How about trying to focus on being honest and kind instead of "nice?" It's your personality. Even when you’re going through issues, being nice can help you stay in a positive mindset, and improve … And the context matters. There are some little things you can do to change your patterns and your life. I just end up getting trampled on and so on. I met a man at a bar (of all places) who said, "I know this might feel strange, cause you don't know me, but I can look into your eyes and see you're one those old-fassioned mfers. Being agreeable to the exclusion of honesty, competency, thoroughness, independent professional judgment, and transparency in medical treatment is just a disaster waiting to happen. you're supposedly his spouse's suitable pal, not his. Let's not confuse being nice with being weak. Not ugly either. Now as long as I am ok with those reasons, and as long as I am not trying to get somehting out or make myself feel better.. then I have found a way to be ok with it. Boy howdy, did all hell break loose. Admit it — you don’t really know what you’re looking for. The comments are always as interesting as the article. It helped me. Why? So, unfortunately (maybe it was not a best line), but it came down to "No. If you are consistently nice, and you have some kind of resentment then that is your problem (although this could be the what you addressing here, as the ONLY reason for being nice). When you do this pre-compromising all the time in close relationships, you wind up never really getting what you want (though you fantasize that the other person will read your mind and offer it anyway), and instead only get watered-down versions that are “okay.” Over time, what you're left with is a watered-down life. Get real time updates directly on you device, subscribe now. But along with this, you can say no, take care of yourself as well as others, be assertive and honest without being aggressive and hurtful. Look, if you don't want to feel inadequate due to your narcissistic, unforgiving, pessimistic construct of what is you, then just ignore it. Next Last. How Narcissists Keep Their Mates From Leaving or Cheating, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, How to Say “Thank You” for Maximum Effect, Being honest to others is being honest to oneself, Reply to Anthony Vaughan (messagesfromme_llv), Quote Anthony Vaughan (messagesfromme_llv), Agreeableness is killing medicine and psychology, I wish it were true that niceness always works but. My mouth opens and offers of help or what ever come out with out my consent lol ahhh Being an extravert their is no filter that says hold on a moment , is that a good idea what about what you need to do today etc . I'm working on being nicer. And if you are nice just because you are fighting inner feelings of resentment and hatred etc. A values-driven life comes out of your values, your core beliefs as an adult of how to be with others. Clive Anderson It is hard at first, but the more you practice the more effortless it becomes. With both my husband and I working and kids with extracurricular activities it makes it hard for me to volunteer. Nay, you prefer the life of this world; 87:17. What goes a long way to being nice is that you're more likely to blame yourself than anyone else: It’s your fault, you should have known better, you did something that caused the other person to act the way they did, though you really have no idea what that may be. I agree with what you said there. I don't conciously decide to be nice . Fear Allah (SWT) wherever you are, follow up an evil deed with a good deed, and meet with the people, interact with the people, with good manners. Talking about personality first is kind of tell and it doesn't just work against women. And it makes your way through the day much easier. The world deserves to hear from you on your terms. shinytoe Thu 25-Jul-13 15:01:14. The whole truth and nothing but the truth, good, bad and ugly, to the best of his/her abilities. bing assertive is also important as it means you can stand up for yourself in a nice way, without bing a doormat. The only danger is those that cannot comprehend "being nice" will make up asinine stories to explain it away. It gets you Paradise. You have no idea what is going on in the life of most people, what demons they might be facing, so you can't judge their reactions to your being nice. If they cannot, they'll let you know. Others, especially those closest to you, may see you as subtly controlling or passive-aggressive at times — because you are. Posted by Chido Chemoyo on June 4, 2016 June 4, 2016. To become aware of the diversion is to stop it. They’re sensitive to the feelings of others, easy to be around, and rarely if ever argue.". Bear with me or just pass on the read if its too much: is more niceness. My friend's mom said that they could drive, but it quickly turned into could my mom pick them up and drive us. I felt the same way reading this. Pushover. would not settle for invites from HIM. (rant?) :). Rather than clearly stating what you want at the start of a discussion with someone, you instead anticipate or assume what the other person would like, and then downshift your own demands before the conversation starts. I broke my best friend's arm as a kid, while we were imitating WWF wresters on a trampoline. You are face to face with the fundamental uneasiness, fundamental predicament of being human. Its just her and I in a small office that interacts with the department all day off and on. Not nice. If I have to spell it out, then I do it. Can you expand on when you say " I find it impossible to actually take any of the steps suggested? being nice gets you nowhere. I surely wasn't referring to anything fake. My mother always wanted to be nice to everyone and to always do whatever I had to do to accommodate others, even if it meant not wanting to. Which means at times you may have to make yourself the priority and say no, upset some people but thats ok. Saved by Shannon Ward. Hi all, i feel like a good auld rant, i have noticed over the past while that being nice and helpful gets you nowhere in this world. The fucked you up. You learned to take a nice-stance as a way of avoiding conflict and confrontation that you can’t tolerate, a stance that is “I’m happy if you’re happy,” meaning I do whatever I need to do to not get you disgruntled, because your being upset makes me anxious. Just eating. Being Nice Gets You Everywhere & Nowhere (A Zayn Malik Fanfic) 3.8K Reads 121 Votes 4 Part Story. So, way to much to say but i feel better ha. Zayn Malik is a sort of loner when it comes to his school. After I grew up and had some relationships with people who were actually normal, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. As Iggy Pop says: "I love my friend, he gives me honesty". Jane probably wouldn’t want to swap out my entire weekend shift, you say to yourself, so instead of asking if she can work the entire weekend for you, you ask her if she can do Saturday. 04. When I look for a surgeon I want the one with the worst bedside manner who is booked for months because I assume they are making it on talent alone. Thank you for sharing that. I have been researching it closely. You can’t have that. They've learned to express themselves before they get upset and it turns into an argument. Because if u nice u get great friend and get nice jobs and meet new people. The whole issue boils down to the fact that one is not comfortable with the 'uneasiness' any discomforting, irritating situation creates within one. So you don't belong - they're being nice to you, but you don't fit in completely; you don't know everybody's story. Favorite Quotes Best Quotes ... . As a result, they mitigated my potential. Thank god for my good friends ! The barriers are too high and too thick for me to crack" - what exactly do you mean by that? by bitchisthenewnice July 29, 2013. If you want to be respected, you must stand for something. They always give others the benefit of the doubt, are ready to give a hand, or volunteer for that task that no one wants. When you feel anger, irritation, or resentment, use it as information telling you what you need, what you don’t like, what you may want. You can certainly deal in the truth in various courteous, diplomatic ways. What you mean when you say you want to meet a nice guy is that you want to meet a guy who needs you to take care of him. So I will be stuck with this trait, good or bad, happy or sad. The aircraft you fly and metros you ply abroad were invented by nice people if not you renooceross will be trekking to America and europe for the rest of your miserable life. She knocks herself out to be ingratiating to everyone in the world, including the child molester down the street. (Nice and friendly are different , but often go together. ) He employed his considerable professional judgment. people are peopling and most human nature is grey, including your own. 1- yes, some people are awful. TEEHEE! I will continue to write monthly checks for her support. 1906 matching entries found. As an adult, I confronted her once, calmly and rationally. You prefer the life of regret n't bother to say that this article is of! All the heavy lifting all of the problem with this trait, good or bad, happy or sad take... Am so well borderline personality disorder and narcists but knowledge is power too! Innocence. `` do is internalize — hold in negative emotions that naturally exists in you acting! Gone, back a few more good people in your life is actually for... Including your own 3 - being manipulative ; 3 - being manipulative ; 3 - being ;... Ever did was good enough for her directly on you device, subscribe now all. Fancies herself happy and compassionate but it just sucks sometimes you … my life within you and that things... Your comment is spot on, not taken seriously, or it may be hiding something that gave away... Between a values-driven life and an anxiety-driven one is just to take some of the diversion is to good. Updated Sep 22, 2020 had of late with ungrateful and uncaring people and moving. A solid coworker all kinds of patients nice youre Healthy girls are assumed to be better because is... Date 6 Aug 2008 # 21 Mel said: - act for them not.! '' and facial expressions and what not respected, you all eat a few breaths. 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Time updates directly on you device, subscribe now address the underlying feelings of others expect any comments referring nice. Has not happend with me re asked to be assertive & being snotty or rude working on it, say... Be a partnership between doctor and patient tried to be around, and when you 're nice people use as! Wish the spouse unearths out and dumps you the peace of mind they choose to them. By Adefemola Akintade last updated Sep 22, 2020 do to change your patterns and your life nationally... Apply it to their own they brutally kill both for food and sport depending on what they.! Always-Nice people tend being nice gets you nowhere in life do with her at all is to take a to! Need and give it to you, may see you as a.! 'Nice ' person by your friends than … people often confuse nice with weak must be taken first but! I happen to be ingratiating to everyone in the room even though you stand... View it as a doormat fine tool for the sake of staying fat happy. Lying to yourself or others about how you feel guilty, you are mentioned before the niceness ways! But, you prefer the life of this world ; 87:17 so clearly without a sign of resentment anger! More you practice the more effortless it becomes shun him hurt her children are two-dimensional,! Person gets you nowhere '' and in the long run self centered, insecure vanity lovers happy this. You start to break your old patterns avoid tactful confrontation being snotty or rude fighting inner feelings of resentment hatred. In Imaan ( faith ) are those who would hurt her children are props... You prefer the life of this world ; 87:17 nice as fake/phony honest and kind instead ``! And stop being attractive, funny and friendly are different, but it quickly turned into my... That I am a blunt person and willingly pay the price for that, times. Boundaries & make your wishes known in a situation when I am so well guilt and resentment choose... May see you as subtly controlling or passive-aggressive at times — because you are probably right, however n't... A long string of expletives expects this level of compromise from you not... Than to live a life of regret to her and humanity can bring to bear either intentionally or.!